Thursday, January 27, 2011

among other things, the quest for the perfect Bond picture

but first, the other things.

here's a few things i've learned in the last two weeks:

1. I can't currently do the Australian accent because I can't do the o sound (among other things. but that i think is my biggest problem at the moment) and they all got a pretty big kick out of trying to teach me. it was pretty fun. even though i'm absolutely sure i sounded like an idiot. i can (sort of. maybe like 60% of the time) say the words weather/whether and time and have it sound pretty good. so i guess that's something to be proud of. i certainly am.

2. Roland is an amazing cook and when he works with Dharini and Chrissy their products are amazing. they made this fantastic apple pie thing that was like AMAZING. and you KNOW it was amazing when i'm even saying it's amazing cause i don't even really like apple pie. here's a picture of another of roland's creations. it was also very delicious. it was meringue-y but i don't remember what it was called but it was pretty awesome.

edit: it's called a pavlova. and the australians and the new zealanders both argue about who invented it.

i put both pictures up despite them being almost the exact same thing cause i think the first one really shows off the cake but roland doesn't look like roland whereas the second one looks like roland usually does but doesn't show off the cake. so basically i couldn't decide which one to put up.
so i went for both.

the funniest thing about these pictures, though, is the fact that the picture right before it on my camera was hugh making us mi goreng (effectively top ramen) for dinner.

hahahaha. the juxtaposition between hugh's cooking skills and roland's as shown in these pictures is funny. but i certainly love them both for it.

3. vegemite is actually not bad. seriously. i was expecting it to be pretty awful but beck made it for me and it really wasn't too bad. i mean it wasn't spread thick or anything but i kinda liked it.

me and beck and vegemite.

4. apparently because almost everyone here went to private schools that were all one gender and that's normal here and they dont make fun of them much...i'll explain in a second

the different private schools do have different reputations though. for example, annaliese's high school, SKEGGS, has the reputation that they're all feminists and beck/dharini's, Meriden, used to be that they were bitchy (but they apparently don't know what it is now) but hugh's high school, cranbrook, has my favorite reputation. to quote roland, their reputation can be summed up in this handy little rhyme! get ready. this is pretty awesome.

"get a woman, get a woman, get a woman if you can,
if you cant get a woman, GET A CRANBROOK MAN."

hahahaha the rhyming gets me every time. poor cranbrook. poor hughie. hahaha as a public school kid, i love it. and i wish we were clever enough to come up with something like that for bell boys or pres girls (but apparently we're not. public school fail).

5. Hugh's robe makes him look like a jedi. but he totally missed the sock gap when he came into our apartment with just his robe, underwear and socks. i guess there's nothing to learn there, but i really wanted to make fun of him for missing the sock gap, and i would have, but i think it would have lacked a lot of the weight behind it because he didn't have the same background in coupling as i. basically, trent/olivia, how i wished you were here at that moment. hahaha i can totally hear my and trent's conversation in my head. apparently we're pretty predictable.

6. public urination is the first thing i've seen any australians not be like "no worries" about. it was a hugh failure and it was the first time i'd seen anyone publicly urinate and it was really pretty funny. low brow sense of humor wendy. haha. i don't think it would have ordinarily been half as funny except McBain was like HUGH THE COPS ARE GONNA COME! OMG THERE'S SOME NOW. OH WAIT THATS A TAXI. YOU'RE GOING TO GET ARRESTED YOU NEED TO STOP THERES ANOTHER COP CAR. OH WAIT. THATS A TAXI TOO." needless to say he didn't listen and and i stood there laughing because we were about 400 feet away from mcdonalds where we were going and telling him to definitely not touch me or my camera that was in his pocket with those unwashed hands. the picture will be where it was in the sequence of the night.

7. back in the day when i used to play pool all the time at cari's in middle school was apparently my peak in pool skills. yeah ok i was pretty awesome back then but all my skills have apparently long since left me. i, sober wendy, lost at 4 am to a VERY drunk previously publicly urinating hugh. it wasnt even close like that other time i played him. ok actually i'm blaming my loss on my lack of coordination due to my lack of sleep the night before (3.5 hours). YEAH that sounds good. THATS WHY I LOST. not cause im actually terrible or anything.......

pool at 4am. it was the first time i'd ever been the one of the ONLY TWO PEOPLE in the common room. it was really weird. i was solids.....

ANYWAY. going backwards in time...

actually these pictures don't really have a fantastic story to go with them, for the most part. i mean it was a good night and all. it was just sort of the same sort of fun night we often get here (cause australia's awesome) and nothing really jumps to mind. they're just my australian family.

my apartmentmates. whatever. chrissy (left) and annaliese (right)

all of us girls. dharini, beck, me, annaliese and chrissy.

hahahaha yeah. i like this picture. im an idiot. but whatever.

it was the inevitable madam wendy picture. it's ok, you can admit it, you were waiting for it with bated breath. we all know its true.
anyway thats hugh and roland. if you don't know which is which by now you should probably just rewind a few posts and stop just skimming the pictures and not reading the captions that happen to be above rather than below the picture TRACEY. <3

hugh. whaaat a lovely headband.

hahah i love this picture. i'd totally have set it as my main on facebook cause we all look pretty awesome but i'm pretty sure i already have like 15 of them with me in this shirt and i decided i didn't want people to think i only ever wear that one shirt. it's just that whenever i happen to be taking pictures i just so happen to also be wearing it. maybe i'll post it anyway. well see...ok maybe i'm going to do it now. WHATEVER. acutally. i just changed my mind. YEAH i'm really decisive.

so roland has a thing for shopping carts. hahaha it sounds strange. but it appears to be true. but anyway he was trying to grab that one there in the picture and then apparently he was pushing one the other day and taylor and nicky d got in and he was drunkenly pushing it pretty well but then he hit a bump and the cart upended. everyone was fine. so that makes it ok for it to be funny. hahahahaha but anyway i guess that was the first time he attempted to drunkenly push a cart. or TROLLEY as they call them here. anyway that's also annaliese and hugh working really hard at walking.

anyway on to week 6! the last week before spring break. did i say spring? i meant EASTER. they kept making fun of me cause it's becoming autumn here, not spring so it's designated EASTER. anyway that meant that i had a lot of crap due and not a lot of time to do it in cause i've become like a professional procrastinator since coming here.

so wednesday night was a lot of people's last night here and it was jinxy's birthday so it became the huge party night rather than the usual thursday. so basically people started drinking fairly early and by like 830 beck was pretty drunk. it was really really funny actually.

i was talking to her and she was telling me that she wasnt okay to drive but gesturing angrily at hugh who was standing like 5 ft away drinking a drink. and i was like what? you cant drive anyway? you dont have a license. and she was like I KNOW. AND HUGH CANT DRIVE EITHER. and i was like no he probably shouldnt...?? but it doesnt matter cause he doesn't have a car here? and shes still gesturing angrily at him and im like DUDE WHAT IS THE DEAL? and shes just like HE CANT DRIVE. and i'm starting to laugh

and then i don't know HOW i did it but i figured out she was trying to tell me that she didn't want hugh to be drinking his drink because it was her alcohol and she didn't want him mooching. so i was like ok well what do you want me to do? and she basically told me to take the drink away from him so i walk over and am like dude i don't know why but beck does not want you drinking that drink so like can you give it to me for a minute and when she stops being angry i'll give it back or something? and hes like what? why? i paid for it! and im like hahaha "ok beck he says he paid for it" and shes like "HE CANT DRIVE" and im like ok lets just sit down and shes like "OK LET'S TALK ABOUT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT"

and so me and sarah ladyman (that is her actual last name and it is awesome) are sitting there and talking (er mostly listening) to beck talk about both capital punishment and something about soviets? i dunno i got lost somewhere in there but she kept mentioning trotsky so i dunno. and it was pretty funny. anyway dharini showed up and was like dude beck we need to go downstairs and get you some nutrigrain (cereal)

so anyway they end up downstairs and hilarity ensues for a little while, including beck forcing dharini to stand in front of the mirror in their bathroom telling her "DHARINI YOURE SO DESIRABLE. IF I WAS A GUY ID LOVE YOU"and then turning around and making dharini stand there and look in the mirror. meanwhile dharinis like "......"

anyway so at this point everyone else has gone downstairs to the common area to celebrate jinxy's birthday and beck and dharini are still in their room and i made an appearance downstairs for jinxy but then had a ton of work so had to come back up and work. anyway i told dharini if she needed any help to let me know. so then i get a text from dharini thats like "hey wanna come keep me company?" so i go downstairs to hang out with her and a very very very drooly beck who now feels nauseous.

anyway earlier that night we'd gone to dinner at UNI pub and gotten chicken parmesan schnitzel and so it has like cheese and stuff on it and it comes with fries. anyway beck is drooling like crazy and there's a huge puddle of drool on the couch which was kinda funny. and then dharini gets up from the couch and beck like lays down on her side and then like a minute later when dharini walks back and puts the garbage can next to the couch by becks head shes just like BLAAAH and pukes alll over the couch (none in the garbage can) and me and dharini are like AAAH! and beck's still angry.

so i go running downstairs looking for someone sober to help us cause we cant move her. shes like a foot taller than both of us. so anyway i go down and alert the guys and eventually McBain who's an RA and Ben who's basically an RA (his position is technically CA but whatever) and brett who was a CA previously come upstairs. and by that point beck had already puked a lot, all over the couch, dharini had removed the cushions and put them in the hallway, wed set beck up with a bucket and had moved her mattress out into the living room because she'd insisted and she'd started puking again on the mattress. meanwhile, she's giving everyone in the room the finger. which was really pretty funny. cause i mean c'mon. she was pretty pukey but still manages to find the energy to flip off everyone in the room.
thats talent.

so anyway me dharini and sarah ladyman are taking care of her and holding her up so she can puke in the trash can and flip people off at the same time and ben brett and mcbain are just like sitting there egging her on and are totally not helpful despite their positions. it was pretty funny. i guess we had everything pretty covered at that point but it was still funny cause they didn't have any really insightful advice or anything (all of them had been drinking so i guess we couldn't really expect much).

anyway shes not talking almost at all but just keeps flipping us all off. it was funny. it smelled horrible. but it was pretty funny. and she's making sure to move her hand in around so that everyone in the room gets it equally. it was pretty funny. and it was made funnier by the fact that dharini was EXTREMELY ANGRY at her and she was extremely angry at dharini and they like never get mad at all, let alone at each other. so that was pretty funny too.

and then hugh comes in and lays down on the bed and puts a CLEAN pillow on the puke (which just looked like a water stain at that point) area. to which dharini hits him and goes "HUGH OH MY GOD GET OFF OF THERE THERE'S PUKE THERE YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!"

meanwhile i'm still cracking up. did i mention i was completely sober? i had a LOT of work to do that night so i didn't touch a drink. so me laughing was all just my own infantileness. not sure if that's good or bad. anyway it was pretty funny.

and it was made funnier/disgusting-er (i know, you're asking yourself, how can a room full of puke get any disgusting-er? well let me tell you) so were sitting there and the guys are still egging her on and shes still flipping them off and hugh had left cause dharini yelled at him and he wanted to go out anyway and me and sarah ladyman are still sitting with beck (i'm holding sitting in a chair behind her (she's on the floor) and holding her shoulders so she doesn't fall over and sarah's making sure she doesn't throw her trashcan when beck suddenly looks up and licks the rim of the trashcan. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH IT WAS SO GROSS

and dharinis like OH MY GOD BECK COULD YOU NOT!? and me and the guys are cracking up and im going DUDE YOURE GOING TO WANT TO STERILIZE YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW AND REALIZE YOU DID THAT. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha it was so funny. and disgusting. and funny.

and then she started getting mad at me for holding her up cause she wanted to go to sleep. but she thought i was hugh. so she was going "OH MY GOD HUGH WOULD YOU GO AWAY" and i was like hmm. ordinarily i don't think i'd enjoy being mistaken for hugh but in this case, at least shes angry at him and not me. hahahahah anyway sarah is like its wendy not hugh so then beck starts calling me hughendy which was equally funny. and then she started getting angry at dharini cause she was cold but once again she wasn't saying she was cold she was saying "DHARINI CAN YOU GET OUT OF SYDNEY. GET OUT OF SYDNEY NOW I WOULDN'T DO THIS TO YOU" and we're all like WHATTT DOES THAT MEAN?

apparently it meant she was cold and wanted a blanket. also she wanted us to get away from her so she could go to sleep but that wasn't going to happen. but it was pretty funny cause dharini was just yelling back at her till she calmed down.

anyway we eventually put her to bed and she was fine the next morning and insisted on cleaning the whole apartment which then looked like spotless so that was cool for them hahaha. and telling her the story was pretty funny. we were all laughing pretty hard. especially at the trashcan bit.

anyway that was the afternoon and it was thursday and that was the night of the prohibition party and everyone was pretty excited. hugh had his parents mail him his suit, all the other guys were making attempts at suiting up too, and me and dharini were figuring out what dress to wear. it was funny. and because it was a prohibition party everyone was supposed to "smuggle" in their alcohol. nicky d definitely wins the prize for coolest way to smuggle. but you'll see that later. anyway me and hugh were attempting to take a Bond picture cause i mean it's not often he suits up/i dress up.

neither of us were really sure what to do. so he googled it and goes "should i do the sean connery or the pierce brosnan?" and im like "DUDE. CONNERY. DUH" so anyway hes trying to do that and goes "yeah so you have to be the hot bitch" so i kind of failed at doing that but whatever. i still like these pictures. haha

and then dharini came and we took these. i look like an idiot in the first one but the other two are pictures i quite like. even though they're kind of stupid.

anyway so then we headed down to the party. and it was fun. and i managed to acquire a boa. it was sweet.

me and jinxy with his sweet gun. it is the american 1920s after all, so i definitely need an americans picture. haha

mcbain hugh and roland. they look very shady 1920s prohibition. well. apart from the boa.

me mcbain and cara. i had no idea mcbain was perving till after hugh took the picture and was like cracking up and i was like what? and he was like you're stupid i cant believe you didn't notice. it was pretty funny.

here is the pride of the prohibition party. nicky d's disguise for booze. this little man's legs were stacks of cups and his body was the bottle and his head was the cover for the top. it was very clever. i was envious of the ingenuity that went into making it

anyway so the party ended up being basically only our friends so it wasnt very big and we were just like lets all go out! so i was like yeaaahh i have to stick with all you guys in suits cause i'm way overdressed. so i did. and it was fun. and we danced and then came home.

and here's me nicky d and ben. ben had been complaining that he wasn't in any of my pictures (it was cause every time i'd be taking them he'd just so happen to disappear or something!) so now, he is. this was him and nicky d doing blue steel and me stupidly not being ready for the picture. at least my hair still looks curly.

so anyway we were sitting in the common room and hugh was really drunk so i was taking his drinks away from him and then he went for this bottle and tried to drink it straight from it but then i took it from him and gave him multiple sobriety tests that i'd learned from john, trent/olivia's dad and it was really really funny cause he failed miserably and i'd never seen anyone fail miserably. well, for that matter, i'd never been able to give a sobriety test before either. haha. so that was kinda fun.

anyway so the wine bottle he was trying to drink out of when i looked at the label it said zippy and i thought that was funny cause i mean when are wines ever described as zippy? maybe i just dont see enough wines. either way it was funny.

so then mcbain was like "hey were going to mackas do you want anything?" (cause thats what they call mcdonalds. isnt that cute! it's pronounced like mack ahs. hahaha but anyway i was sitting with a very drunk hugh and i was like want to go? and he was like sure so we went with mcbain and mcbain's friend stephen/steven? and roland at 330 am. and it was like the most crowded i'd ever seen a mcdonalds. and then we came back and played pool. it was a very fun night. i had a good time.

oh and here's hugh's moment of shame--you'd probably forgotten, hadn't you? or thought i'd forgotten. well nope, you should know by now that i never pass up an opportunity to make fun of my friends/re-live their epic win moments (yes i did just call that an epic win. i was laughing pretty hard so i decided it was no longer a fail) and i may be on a different continent, but lets face it, any opportunity to make fun of anyone i wont pass up:

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