Saturday, January 29, 2011

tom brady and tom bradley are two very different people.

alright so since andrea's been updating her blog about thailand about once every two days, she's shamed me into TRYING to actually update mine on a regular basis. emphasis on the TRYING. we'll see how long it takes for the laziness to kick back in.

also, i have no camera currently, so i'm going to post pictures of random stuff on here to make it more readable.

so basically coming back to australia was an interesting experience. the flight from san jose to la was no problem but then getting through the la airport was freaking ridiculous. last time i just caught a shuttley thingy from the domestic american airlines terminal to the qantas international terminal NO PROBLEM. sure there wasn't anything to eat in the terminal so i had to eat in the american terminal which didn't really have a whole lot there either but whatever IT WAS SIMPLE.

well THIS TIME the la airport HAD to complicate things. i was in the exact same terminal-in fact i even left from THE EXACT SAME GATE but getting there was a NIGHTMARE. well ok not as much as a nightmare as this story becomes later on, but it was, at the time, a bit of a nightmare. fortunately i had a 4 hour layover there or i would have been TWEAKING out.

so basically i'm wandering around the la domestic terminal and then i ask this security guard how to get to the tom bradley international terminal (not to be confused with tom brady, the hot/sleazy quarterback for the new england patriots and gisele bundchen's baby daddy.) where i'm supposed to go and hes like go out of security walk down the street and it'll be on your left.

tom brady

tom bradley


see, definitely not the same guy.

so i'm like OK NO PROBLEM. having to clear security again is going to be a pain but hey, that doesn't sound too complicated and i've got time.

so i go out of security and to the left and walk along the street past an escalator for about 5 minutes with my freaking heavy and obnoxious backpack and etc and get to the next terminal which has NOTHING to do with qantas. so i'm like ok i think this is wrong and there was a sign for qantas back by that escalator so i'll just do that.

so i go up the escalator and there's still NO SIGN OF QANTAS. so i walk inside and ask this guy who's standing at the entrance of the security line who's clearly an employee and is clearly just spacing out cause there's nobody around and nothing for him to do. so i'm like "hi do you know how to get to the tom bradley international terminal?" and he looks at me like i'm asking him to tell my fortune and is like "go left" and looks away from me like hes got TONS OF STUFF TO NOT DO.

and so i look to my left and there's still like a large area of the building i'm in and then there's the street so i'm like ???

so i'm like "um...how?"

and he looks at me like i'm asking him for his first born child and is like "out the doors" so i'm like "OKAY THANKS" and then walk away swearing under my breath and thanking him for being soooo gracious.

although now that i think about it, that's just la. theoretically i shouldn't have been annoyed at all. but it was hot and my bag was heavy and i didn't have to do this last time and apparently changes in airports shock and anger me.

so basically i walk away and find my terminal and then walk to my gate and decide OH! i don't want to get dehydrated! i'll pick up some water. oh look! there's a liter bottle, i'll buy that. BEFORE MY 14.5 HOUR FLIGHT. yeah that was DEFINITELY one of my better ideas...................or a recipe for DISASTER. but oh well.

anyway my gate was easy to find and everything's alright but my gate's already kinda full so i go use a power outlet that requires me to sit on the linoleum floor rather than a chair so basically that makes my butt hurt so then like half the flight my butt hurts so bad i cant sleep and my bladder hated me but eventually i sleep a little-waking up about every hour to hate myself and then go back to sleep for about 5 hours.

so there was this kid sitting in front of me that LITERALLY cried throughout the entire flight. and not just cried. WAS SCREAMING. most of the time i didn't care cause i had my headphones so high to drown out the airplane noises that i could only see the kid screaming but it was like having a tv on mute so i didn't care. mostly i just felt bad for the parents who were taking turns walking around with her as she complained the entire flight. and she was at least like 3 and was able to talk so it was like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU KID? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP! SHUT UP.

but really the only time she really bothered me to the extent of wanting to be like "HEY. i've never hit a kid before. but you're really pushing your luck" was when we were gonna land and nothing was right with her. jeeze she was finding dumb stuff to complain about

"MY SEATBELTS TOO TIGHT!!! (SCREECHES) IT'S TOO TIGHT!! (WAILS) I DON'T WANT IT THIS TIGHT!! (SCREAMS)" at which point i heard the mother tell her to basically shut up cause that was going to protect her from death at which point she found a new string of complaints which included literally, no joke:

"I POKED MY EYE!! (WAILS) IT HURTS!! (SCREECH) OW MY EYE! (WAILS AGAIN)"

and the thing is, the way she was saying all of it was like accusatory to the mother. like she forced her to poke herself in the eye or was attempting to torture her with the seatbelt. that's what bothered me. i wouldn't care if the kid was crying cause she was sick (which i thought for most of the flight and made me feel really bad for her) or because she had a disorder or something (which i also thought for some of the flight) but after we landed she was acting as if nothing had happened the entire flight. like shed been this perfect angel child like her ginger brother who slept or watched how to train your dragon the whole time. i would have liked to have slapped her in the face and told her to stop being such a jerk.

so anyway i land in sydney and go through customs which appeared different from the last time i was there but i think that was just cause last time i wasn't paying attention and it takes forever to get through the part where they check my passport and then i get my luggage and then go through the part where they were gonna xray my bags.

by this time, i've already missed my connecting flight to canberra (who thought two hours wouldn't be enough time? not me. and clearly not qantas who put me on that flight.) and i give my declaration form to the guy and i'd declared that i had food and had written "lollies" next to it which is the australian word for candy which is really cute and i thought i'd be really cool if i wrote that and hes like "you just have lollies? and you're from america? ah go ahead and go through" so they didn't xray my bags so i was like SWEET. THAT WAS REALLY FAST. THAT GUY WAS AWESOME.

so i go to the qantas people and am like "my flight left. what now?" and they're like "ok well put you on the 845 flight (which boarded at 825) so i'm like OK COOL! and they take my bags and i start walking to the security line which i have to go through. and as i'm walking away i look at my clock AND IT'S 815. so i'm like GREAT. but it's ok cause security wont be that bad and i'll walk to my gate with plenty of time to spare.

WRONG.

there's a shuttle from the international terminal to the arrivals terminal which is really just a bus and i don't get on the first one cause there's a HUGE line for it but i couldn't see it the first time cause there were so many people and i wasn't paying attention to it cause i was at the back of the line so i figured it'd probably hold the huge crowd of people in front of me (at least 100 people).

WRONG.

it maybe held 40 tops. but i didn't know that.

so i'm like its alright i'll get on the second one.

well the second one comes and i see how small it is so i'm like FANTASTIC. and the people behind me in line were like "OUR FLIGHT LEAVES AT 845 SO WERE GOING TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE" so i was like "i like these people-i'm going to follow them" so i did and got on this bus. well it's already probably about 825 when i board the bus. and then it's probably about 830 when i get to the terminal.

but i'm like IT'S OK i'll just walk over to my gate. it'll be no problem.

WRONG.

as i get off the bus i hear on the PA system "WENDY MURAOKA COMING FROM LA TO SYDNEY AND GOING TO CANBERRA, THIS IS YOUR FINAL BOARDING CALL HERE AT GATE 17"

so i'm like AAAAH
and take off running toward my gate. and i'm at gate 1. and the gates are large. and i'm carrying my like 30 lb backpack, my purse, my tiger and two jackets, one of which is my heavy leather one. so i'm running. and there's only one of those moving walkways so i run across that wishing there were more which of course there aren't and i stop running and am walking fast for a minute to like fix my purse or something and this random japanese guy (who looks college age) comes up to me AS THEY'RE MAKING ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT FOR MY FINAL BOARDING CALL.

and i'm like ??? and i know he was japanese cause he's holding his passport and is like "hi do you know what gate this is?" gesturing to the flight number on his boarding pass and in my head i'm like "what is wrong with you kid!? you must have seen me running through the airport as you RAN to catch up to me and i'm still walking fast towards somewhere I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR PERSONAL BETTERMENT I HAVE PLACES TO BE AND YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GATE NUMBER AND A FLIGHT NUMBER?!" but i say to him "that's your flight number, you have to look on one of the tvs to find out your gate number from that" and hes like "oh ok" and i'm like "yeah good luck" AND RUN AWAY.

so i'm running. THROUGH THE AIRPORT. to THE FURTHEST GATE FROM GATE 1 because they only have 1-17 in that terminal. and meanwhile they've made another two announcements for my final boarding call. so i finally make it to gate 17 right after the fourth call and i'm like I'M HERE! I'M WENDY! and they're like oh ok! and i give the girl my boarding pass and she checks me in and i go running down the like jetbridge thing and shes like "IT'S OK YOU CAN STOP RUNNING" and i'm like "THANKS!!" and i board my plane

dripping sweat and my face was probably red and i'm at the back of the plane so i have to do the walk of shame of "yeah i'm the jerk who held up your plane for 10 minutes" THROUGH THE ENTIRE PLANE and then sit next to this businessman in a crisp white shirt and i'm like great. i probably smell. and i look terrible. and he's so prim and proper. MUH BAD. and the stewardess brought me a bottle of water and it was really nice. haha

so anyway were about to take off and i'm sitting at my window seat and the pilot's like "ok were in a line and it's gonna be at least 10 minutes so i'll check back in with you before take off" so i drink my mini bottle of water and figure i'll close my eyes for a couple minutes and i guarantee i won't be able to go to sleep and i'll just listen to my ipod when i can and it wont crash the plane and kill us all.

well when i wake up it's to the pilots voice and he's saying "so we'll be landing in a few minutes". so i'm like what the heck? when'd i fall asleep? and how did i sleep through takeoff? but ah well, time flies. HA HA HA (oh wendy, you're so punny.)

so then when we land my luggage doesn't appear and so i'm sad but they tell me it's on the 1130 flight and they'll deliver it to me so it was actually kinda nice cause then i didn't have to haul it to a cab or anything and eventually it was delivered to me and it was no problem so that was good.

it was weird though cause it's winter here and i was in summer and i'd kind of forgotten how cold it was here so i wasn't really dressed right when i got here and i was planning on changing but all my clothes were in my luggage IN SYDNEY. so that was lame. but oh well.

and thus ends my return to australia adventure. i hope you enjoy reading it more than i enjoyed living it.

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